just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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