I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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