The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
