I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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