Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
