i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
