So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
