you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
