A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
