Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
