hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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