thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
