Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
