so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize