I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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