So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
