Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
