i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize