Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
