My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
