why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
