Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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