Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
In America we eat man semen.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
