Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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