btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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