people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Can Purell be used as lube?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
