Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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