What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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