Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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