She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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