if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
