I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
