my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
