If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
try to milk me bitch
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