I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
