I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize