you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
