I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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