Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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