I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
