A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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