one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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