theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
