He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
