hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
