ADVERTISEMENT

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  How was your Memorial Day?

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.

  Fav 10 4088 955

  share tweet
  

• (216): View more from Ohio

  Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Probably.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm in.

  Fav 14 4524 832

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (636): View more from Missouri

  It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.

  Fav 17 854 3275

  share tweet
  

• (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.

  Fav 11 1261 4286

  share tweet
  

• (207): View more from Maine

  you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand

  Fav 8 5021 1518

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.

  Fav 19 4807 1506

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning

  Fav 18 4951 2639

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed

  Fav 28 5571 1684

  share tweet
  

• (409): View more from Texas

  Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony

  Fav 2 1650 687

  share tweet
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that

  Fav 1 737 548

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise

  Fav 3 612 378

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (423): View more from Tennessee

  But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.

  Fav 0 489 188

  share tweet
  

• (903): View more from Texas

  I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.

  Fav 4 87 36

  share tweet
  

• (325): View more from Texas

  This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.

  Fav 3 93 19

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling

  Fav 0 50 6

  share tweet
  

Randomize