You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
