one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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