those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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