Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
