it hurts more in the daytime
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
