She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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