I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
