Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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