Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
