just tell him i said nine months
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish you could order shots online.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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