the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
