Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
