nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
