before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
