somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We are two peas in an std pod
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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