I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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