you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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