I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
