Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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