Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
