if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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