Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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