please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
