My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
