i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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