Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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