the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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