please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
