I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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