Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I fill condoms, not promises.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
