AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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