Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Someone signed my nipple.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
