I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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