What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
