my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
