I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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