I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
