guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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