we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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