I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
