he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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