we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize