I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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