Apparently you make a good broom.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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