I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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