At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
