Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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