I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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