i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
