she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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