Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you will always have a special place in my vag
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
