Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
