she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize